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最終更新日 : 2012/01/29 (Sun) 09:55
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Touchdown! That\'s a relaly cool way of putting it!
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It\'s not a truck. It\'s a series of tubes!
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
Jesus may love you, but I think you\'re garbage wrapped in skin.
They laughed when I said I\'d be a comedian. They aren\'t laughing now.
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
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Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
If a man does his best, what else is there?
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
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From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he\'d lie just to keep his hand in.
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said \'You\'ve been promoted\'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said \'You\'ve been promoted again\'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said \'You\'re managing director.\' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said \'What happened to you?\' And I Said \'I careered off the road.\'
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
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Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
Am I lightheaded because I\'m not dead or because I\'m still alive?
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
In the begining there was nothing and God said \'Let there be light\', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
It\'s not that I\'m afraid to die, I just don\'t want to be there when it happens.
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There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ? however slight ? lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
I\'m trying to see things from your point of view but I can\'t get my head that far up my ass.
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
Love is the answer - but while you\'re waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
Many a man\'s reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren\'t, then I\'d be a teacher.
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
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The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
Always go to other people\'s funerals, otherwise they won\'t come to yours.
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
I don\'t care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
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If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
One doesn\'t have a sense of humor. It has you.
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I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
When you\'ve seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
Always go to other people\'s funerals, otherwise they won\'t come to yours.
Oh for pity\'s sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
If quantum physics doesn\'t confuse you then you don\'t understand it.
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you\'re pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
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The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
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Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
There\'s no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, \'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don\'t believe?
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
I don\'t approve of political jokes... I\'ve seen too many of them get elected.
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
How long does it normally take for food to digest?
I wouldn\'t mind dying - it\'s the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
Copy from one, it\'s plagiarism; copy from two, it\'s research.
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
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No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
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Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse\'s family too.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn\'t work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
Don\'t knock masturbation, it\'s sex with someone I love .
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[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
The trouble with the Internet is that it\'s replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I\'ll waste no time reading it.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
War doesn\'t make boys men, it makes men dead.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
If you can read this you\'re not aiming in the right direction.
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there\'s no risk of accident for someone who\'s dead.
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
The nice thing about egotists is that they don\'t talk about other people.
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he\'ll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
It\'s the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
Don\'t sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called \'Ego\'.
If you are going through hell, keep going.
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
Whether you think that you can, or that you can\'t, you are usually right.
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don\'t know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that\'s my position.
Computer dating is fine, if you\'re a computer.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn\'t over until everyone gets their cookies.
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don\'t need to be done.
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The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn\'t take it out of my garden.
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It\'s not a truck. It\'s a series of tubes!
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don\'t need to be done.
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
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The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
Don\'t let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he\'ll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don\'t work, those that break down and those that get lost.
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You can pretend to be serious; you can\'t pretend to be witty.
Throughout American history, the government has said we\'re in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It\'s a hoax.
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It\'s the transition that\'s troublesome.
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
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Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
I\'m not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
It\'s not the size of the dog in the fight, it\'s the size of the fight in the dog.
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
Minsky\'s Second Law: Don\'t just do something. Stand there.
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
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In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
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Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You\'d be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
I don\'t want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
When you\'ve seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
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If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
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About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
We didn\'t lose the game; we just ran out of time.
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
I\'m all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let\'s start with typewriters.
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I\'ve never tried before.
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
I\'d give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
Jesus may love you, but I think you\'re garbage wrapped in skin.
Emulate your heros, but don\'t carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
There\'s many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It\'s not a truck. It\'s a series of tubes!
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn\'t take it out of my garden.
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn\'t understand me.
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don\'t add up.
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
In this war ? as in others ? I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
I don\'t pray because I don\'t want to bore God.
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
If all the world\'s managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
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You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I\'ve only ever had one.
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Heav\'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn\'d, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn\'d.
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Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
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Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn\'t go away.
If you can\'t get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you\'d best teach it to dance.
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
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Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
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Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
O\'Toole\'s Corollary of Finagle\'s Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
I\'m all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let\'s start with typewriters.
If there?s one thing I know it?s God does love a good joke.
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
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I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
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You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
最終更新日 : 2012/01/17/(Tue) 22:02
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